last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
