her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
