I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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