Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
