My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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