ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
