This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
