I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize