Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
