Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
