just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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