Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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