You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
