cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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