so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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