Plan B is the new Plan A
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
then he tried to convert me to islam
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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