so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
