I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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