All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
