the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
