I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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