Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
