So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
