the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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