I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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