You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
