i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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