foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
