i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
