Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
