hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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