Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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