:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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