this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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