STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
foreskin is a definite game changer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
