my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
