you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
