No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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