I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
