I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
