I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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