We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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