Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
