take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
