i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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