I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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