I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
