walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
