I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
