Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
