what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
