found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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