I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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