We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
