I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
