i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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