nut hugger
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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